Horny Santa’s Red Alpha Harness

Dominate the North Pole

Oi, you absolute unit! Ready to turn Father Christmas into Daddy Christmas? Strap yourself into the Horny Santa's Red Alpha Harness and prepare to sleigh all night long. This ain't your average festive gear – it's a declaration of yuletide dominance that'll have the elves quaking in their wee boots.

Listen up, ya merry bastards. This harness isn't just a bit of kinky kit; it's a bloody revolution in Christmas attire. Forget the same old boring jumpers and tacky ties. This season, you're gonna be the gift everyone wants to unwrap.

Key Features

• Riveted faux leather pattern: Tougher than your nan's Christmas pudding and twice as likely to leave an impression
• Red & black colour scheme: Like a demonic candy cane ready to raise hell and temperatures
• Polyurethane material: Wipes clean faster than you can say "Oh, oh, oh!"
• Bulldog harness style: Strutting about like you own every chimney in town

Crafted for Carnal Conquerors

We didn't just slap this together like some half-arsed Christmas cracker toy. This harness is built for blokes who take their festive frolicking seriously. It's as sturdy as a reindeer's antlers and as smooth as Santa's slide down the chimney.

Turn Silent Night into Hot Damn Night

Walk into the room wearing this beast, and watch jaws drop faster than pants on Boxing Day. Pair it with our Naughty Red Santa Hat, and you'll have more people sitting on your lap than the big man himself.

Your Ticket to the Naughty List

Let's cut the shite – you need this harness. It's not just festive wear; it's a statement that says, "I came to jingle some bells and I'm all out of jingle." So stop dicking about and strap this bad boy on. Christmas is coming, and this year, so are you!